In 11 short months

This site is set to get a serious overhaul, it’s been fairly neglected over the years.
What I did notice in the post before this one, is that I’d posted a kind of ominous premonition on what was to come with the Trump presidency just after he was elected. I think, no, I am certain, that in all that transpired thus far, the dystopian nightmare has exceeded anything I might have imagined. Here’s how it’s going now. Read it here

Visas to be denied based on finances, medical condition, yes, even weight.

The Consequence

Now it's time to address those connections of mine from childhood, or school, or some other 'former life' who enjoy the title 'Christian' or even respect of Isho Yēšūa (Jesus) hiding with their head down as a closeted supporter of Trump... I have a few words.

During Bishop Marianne Edgar Budde's sermon, these were the faces when the name of 'Jesus Christ of Nazareth' was invoked.

Lara Trump rolled her eyes at the word 'mercy', Trump's pig-faced daughter Tiffany Trump had a look of disdain through the whole thing, "God fearing' JD Vance looks like he's taking a difficult shit, and Usha Vance had the goddamn nerve to roll her eyes when Budde discussed immigration.


I grow tired of people like you willfully ignoring the powers at play here which supersede the human element. These days were discussed in ancient scripts even before the invention of modern-day english transcripted texts called 'Bibles'. It described a movement in opposition to Christ, and it is here.

If you call yourself an evangelical you know exactly what I am referring to here. Folks, Trump was unable to place his hand on one of those texts called a 'Bible' which is just a poorly translated series of ancient scripts. You are fooling no one with your shrugged hedging.
Before we label you as the fraud you are. Let's examine a fair truth. I've had more than a few discussions with folks on both sides of the political aisle about how far fanaticism ON BOTH SIDES has gone.
I've been studying fanaticism for eight years, starting with Amos Oz's writings on the Middle East conflict.
There is a book by Tim Alberta called 'The Kingdom, The Power, and The Glory' which will educate you on how the church became a slave of politics. You won't like what you read, but, hey they are facts, as inconvenient as you find them. This describes how fanaticism exploded on the RIGHT.
Now, fanaticism also exploded on the LEFT. What was once a reasonable a working model to protect all humans (listen back to Budde's sermon) yes, the very same talked about by most Democrats and Dr. Martin Luther King himself and originally Jesus (Sermon On The Mount among hundreds of others) and most well-respected world leaders, somehow began to careen into some inconceivable, frightening and unworkable territory.

The biggest example of this that is currently impacting our country right now is an out-of-control border. This nation was founded and built by immigrants. They are one of the most important backbones of our enriched society and economy. But the border now is at a crisis stage. Somehow that fact, (and it is a fact) got uniformly ignored and swept under the rug to the point now where the other side of the fanaticism spectrum believes that they should bring down the hammer.
It does NOT serve this country to leave the border crisis as it is, that was a terrible mistake of the Democrats. Unfortunately polices like this fueled the anger and fire of the insane right. So, what happens when you discuss this as part of your 'standing?!' You do have a point! Absolutely. BOTH SIDES of the political aisle reached the point of insanity.

It's the understanding of the subject. I heard a young person say in a coffee shop that it labeled one ‘a racist and a bigot’ to not leave the border completely open. That's a pretty extreme and stupid thing to say. Unfortunately? That is the kind of EXTREME sentiment flying around in ALL directions right now.

So I see you meekly posting things like "Well the public has spoken, so ya know shut up and stuff... The election's over"
No, it's your ineptitude to see the forest for the trees. You threw your support behind pure evil because you were not awake or informed enough to see a reasonable path through insanity. We are not making hypotheses about his agenda, he's telling us outright. That's a bit different from your uninformed ramblings about the state of the world and insane conspiracy theories.

"Wuuulllll.. tha aconomie is better since he took office, He's gunna bring down prices"
Christ on His Throne! The fuck it is! The economy is informed by the four phases of an economic cycle, expansion, peak, contraction, and trough. This takes time, especially at the outset of inflation that began in 2020! Try adding a tariff parade to that and laying off millions in government, etc.

This man labeled January 6 insurrectionists as 'hostages' as in POW 'hostages'.

Listen, when the PAIN of what has just taken place begins to set in the consequences that Bishop Budde was talking about will be the kind GOD talks about in scripture and was relayed by human writers in their understanding and language.
They talk about a fire that burns from the inside, crying, and gnashing of teeth. A pain that can never be extinguished. Rudolf Franz Ferdinand Höss, lead Commandant of Auschwitz talked about this incredible pain with the rope around his neck before they kicked the stand from under his feet. His last words?
'Möge Christus mir vergeben' "May Christ forigve me" those were his last words.

It will be the pain of conscience. As we watch many become consumed and thrown into a ruinous tailspin and wanton destruction in the next few months and hopefully limited to one ruinous term, there will be no one who feels for you. That is the consequence. You will be remembered for throwing your loyalty and your support behind true evil. There is a difference between a place on a political spectrum, and civil unity as Budde discussed, and your blind, self-enriching worship of this terrible movement, so very clearly against the Creator. ܗܹܐܪܵܝܵܢ

My vintage 1956 Stanley Edgar Hyman arrived in the mail today. Look at these yellowed pages... I’m so curious about the very man who complicated and elevated the life of one of my literary heroes.

Martyrdom- Legacy or Death?

In Arabic, the word shahid means "witness". The pronunciation of our word martyr hails from the Greek word mártys (μάρτυς) translated to 'witness'.
From the days of Perpetua of Carthage through the ages the stories of martyrs are endless. Pop culture names have carved out a vision of what a martyr means.

Though martyrs serve in different ways and their ultimate demise differs, usually their lives are taken from them mid stride. In the breadth of service, that is an important distinction.
Martin Luther King Jr knew of his impending death as a ‘feeling’ he couldn’t shake and confided in a friend about it. But he didn’t go looking for death. He kept his stride steady in service and remained steadfast to his Higher Power. The date and time came like a thief in the night.

I can think of no stronger modern-day martyr than Alexei Anatolyevich Navalny, described by Wiki as a Russian opposition leader, lawyer, anti-corruption activist, and political prisoner.
In truth, no matter what it cost him, (and it cost him plenty) Navalny dedicated his life to educating his fellow man about how they’ve been routinely sanctioned, blindfolded, lied to, bullied, extorted, gaslit, and generally subjugated into an oppressive patriotism of Russia’s most notorious leader in generations. Like, the corrupt kings of Exodus, it is said that Putin greenlit the killing of Navalny as a 70th ‘birthday gift’.
When I learned that Navalny was killed successfully this time—remember they unsuccessfully poisoned him with nerve agents previously—I thought about what the word Martyr means.

Dr. David Cook, who studies the apocalyptic and millenarian tradition in Islam, wrote that the concept of martyrdom is a masthead in all the major monotheistic religions. He saw it as a testament to the truth of the faith. Martyrdom became a central feature of jihad as early as the 9th century according to his writings, but in his version of martyrdom “Modern-day globalist Muslim radicals want to return the concept of martyrdom to its original meaning of battlefield death.”
This concept of martyrdom focuses on the death of a member of religious and socio-political theorists and focuses less on his leadership, communication, socio-political work, research, and revelations.

One of my personal favorite martyrs in history would be Isho Yeshu īšōʕ who was murdered by state-sanctioned violence in the order that they might stop his socio-political and societal revelations to the population. I think if you were to ask Him today he wouldn’t say “I died for religion”
I believe Navalny would have preferred to ‘go on.’ In fact his foreshadowing of his moment, his words were “If they are successful in killing me, this means we are strong, do not give up, continue.”
If given the choice, I believe the true martyr would go on, even in the face of having everything taken from them, one by one by one. Death is not their pinnacle, their biggest sacrifice, but their legacy in trial is.

In Navalny’s case, this wasn’t a small grassroots movement that one day rolled into legislative actions to change a part of a nation’s movement in the world. He took on an entirely corrupt and deadly Russian governance and at the same time attempted to persuade Russian citizens that they would one day have freedom of the press, freedom of ideas, freedom of information, and freedom of enterprise.
I don’t believe the true martyr calls themselves martyrs.
I’m grateful for Navalny’s sacrifice of lived experience for a legacy. He knew he would be jailed but continued. In the face of the very worst, he became the leader agitator, and powerful continuum that Putin could only dream of. In a way, one might say his death had made him more powerful. For Putin, it backfired. In a time yielding so much death, I hope to have the energy to keep taking in the legacies. We have to believe in its gestational power. A seed planted.

The traveling victory skirt

When I made that flaring orange skirt years ago, I made it thinking I would use it in an art project.
The idea was lovely, it had bright orange tulle, with infused dark pink. I never wore it but it stayed in the closet for years. I couldn’t part with it.
One year, my childhood friend Kira said, you know? I really like that skirt! I thought it was perfect for her too. I mailed it to her.
Never in a million years did I think that skirt would be worn in victory over Kira’s battle with double mastectomy breast cancer at National Breast Cancer awareness events. It really was like it was initially made for her. The connections of both worlds. The past, the present, art and community. It’s a thing to behold sometimes.
One year in middle school, I caught the sun bouncing off her bright springy curls as we waited to get into the gym to start basketball practice. Never in a million years did I think I’d still know her mid life, or watch her so valiantly fight and win against a deadly cancer. Sometimes these events are an important aspect in anchoring me to a timeless self, no matter how much it changes through the years.

The Palate Cleanser Experience

Experiences are important I'd say. Always more involved than we think and the end result is almost never what we imagine it will be.

For a very long time, I've imagined what it would be like to create a shampoo from my favorite flower The Eternal Flame yellow rose.
So for some reason, now, I looked up recipes and decided to dive in.
I made sure to study carefully so I wouldn't subject loved ones to a mess. It turns out of course that shampoo made from roses has been done, many times. It was good to have a road map.

What I learned was, it took more research, more patience and God knows a lot more investment than I thought. I also found out that creating shampoo or any bath body elixir for a human being is near impossible. Everyone has differing PH balances, oil production and skin etc..
But what the process was more like creating a potion. A physical manifestation that had intention and prayer infused in it. It is like bottling love and sending it. Good news for me, was that if this creation didn't work on my loved ones hair per se, it would be an exquisite body wash.

In the beginning I thought if I perfected this, that I could create a unique little side deal that begin to pay for itself. But as much as liked the idea, the universe said, no. She said firstly you cannot sell prayers, they must be given, and secondly my path should not include this effort at this time. I think I knew exactly what she was speaking about.
I believe the universe has been pretty clear on what she wants me to focus on now, and I think this little project was another action of creation, maybe even of the art side of me. It was what I call a 'palate cleanser' experience.
The experience was less about adding 'I can make shampoo with roses' to my list of skills and more about learning about human nature. The most exquisite thing in the universe is a loved one who smiles, cheers you on, and tries your bottled effort.
THAT right there is magic. Universe is right, you can't buy or sell love. It's priceless.

When Our Memories Come Closer

I've often said to folks, listen, if you want to 'experience' Portland, I mean really experience it through the eyes of one of it's most willful daughters, read Monica Drake's works.
In both works The Stud Book and the Folly of Loving Life, you'll read the ending and close the back cover feeling as though you were born and raised in this complicated city. And, it is so important to tell the story of this--complicated city.

It is important because it is changing, some may say it is even dying.
Though many hold out hope for it's assuming an ultimate healed and recovered form, the phase we are in now is attrition. There is a grieving or a nostalgia as we face an uncertain future.
The last time I'd felt like I'd stepped into the skin of a character and really lived their verisimilitudes in experiencing a city, you could almost smell the air...that was Renata Adler's Pitch Black and Speedboat. The city was New York.

For me, the arrival of 'Come Closer' was at a cross roads in my life. I'd just come back from doing street outreach for my agency, a Portland homeless advocacy. In addition I'd looked at the electrical in our Chinatown warehouse, and passed the Annual Rose Festival on the way home. It was cross section take on post apocalyptic Portland the year 2023 where everything has changed.
In 'Come Closer' Monica transported me back to Mayor Vera Katz Portland. I'm back there, right back in that tumultuous time in my life, now remembering what I'd forgotten. Weaving back and forth into and out of the reader and the character. It was another successful teleportation.

To bring life to the City of Roses in the mind of a reader is no easy feat. Though much smaller, you may as well attempt to do the same with New York. Many try, few succeed.

I think I'll carry these memories with me into the future, a future so elusive to prediction.

Conversation Starter Soul

She takes immense pride in just being her and bringing herself to the job in all these aspects of what makes Sylvia, Sylvia.

Syliva has worked at McDonalds in our town for years. She was immediately my favorite soul. Sometimes I'll drive through just to get a soda and a soul lift.
She takes immense pride in just being her and bringing herself to the job in all these aspects of what makes Sylvia, Sylvia.

She wears these outrageous headbands, flowers, and fascinators in her hair, and I know it's the subject of conversation with so many folks in the drive-through.
One day she told me, "Whenever I see a real frog, I run, they scare me to death. But I just love to collect frogs"

So, I made Sylvia an outrageous little frog fascinator. Today, she'll bring all the joy that is Sylvia to the folks in the drive-through, with yet another interesting conversation starter.

On Languages and Concept

I suppose if I meditated on it long enough it can mean ‘hell by separation of creation, or creating.’
If separated long enough from creating HOW we were meant to create, we can find ourselves in this darkness. I suppose it’s only a matter of time before the universe steps in.


Darkness
It got me thinking about dark times in our life, in our world.
In Jewish literature, there are three types of darkness mentioned in the Old Testament or Talmud.

'Alatah' is one, this would be heavy darkness. But the word is used more to describe the coming of dusk or dawn. So it's a meditative kind of darkness. You don't associate evil or demonic presence with this kind of darkness.

'Choshke Aphelah' is a tangible type of darkness, known to incorporate fear. There appears to be an inner darkness, or most closely translated, 'supernatural darkness'

Then there is darkness known as 'Araphel' thick darkness. Almost like being washed in a cloud. Properly translated it just means dark cloud.

Then there is the Aramaic 'Chashuke Bria' In English it means "outer darkness" The Greek call it 'ho skotos ho exoteron' which means separation from light. Separation from that which makes us whole
The Aramaic word for 'outer' is 'Bari'. It can also be translated to mean creation.

So as I'm sitting in a type of Alatah contemplating my experience also with Chashuke Bria. I'm thinking hard about what that term means, and I suppose if meditated on long enough it can mean 'hell by separation of creation, or creating.'
If separated long enough from creating HOW we were meant to create, we can find ourselves in this darkness. I suppose it's only a matter of time before the universe steps in.

The Sound Inside

It started innocently enough. I was tasked with designing a soundproof studio in our new build. After a painstaking three and half months of research, two engineers, and three 'soundproofing' companies, I'd come to learn that it's actually a bit of a science.
I'd finally reached out to Kevin Cradock of Mississippi Studios who put me in touch with his sound build guru Derek. I've learned more about the process of soundproofing than I ever thought I would. Acoustical isolation, velocity observers, the science of sound travel. It's a thing. The whole contrast of making sound and stopping sound.


Conversations with Derek had me thinking about our relationships with sound. Sound as a language, sound as a community. The desperate need for it, it’s design, giving it a form, and our grand efforts to keep it out. I’m now back at my old project of word/language and sound associations.
Mixing and matching word and phrase pieces and finding sounds that tell the story that the language can’t. It’s an interesting process and my experiment is its greater impact on writing itself.

Mississippi Studios

Memory Cards

My computer is needing some drive repair, so I transferred everything onto an external hard drive. In doing so, I went through a sort of 'memory lane' and came across this one. This is an extra special one, the talent flanking me on either side is nearly impossible to describe.
In a curation project a few years ago, I stumbled onto the brilliance of what is known as 'Studio M13' (Lisa DeGrace, Stephen Miller.)
I was lucky enough to get Stephen (typically a powerful but behind-the-scenes creator) to go on the radio with me to talk about our art show. This is outside the radio station. One tends to forget how vast our lived experience is until we are reminded. There is a light side to an impromptu review of our past after all.

The Generalizing Factor


This is a different environment altogether. This landscape has changed almost to something unrecognizable in the last four years. It begs us to be cautious and accurate.

I'm going to say this with the kindest of tone.

You will immediately lose credibility when you use broad strokes to apply societal features and broad-based opine shaped or 'dressed' as fact over a large sect, race(s) nation, creed, religion, etc.

Where standard attributes can copy themselves like code over some factions and work to 'group' people or movements together, those are usually smaller cells. So for example, QAnon, Trump Cult, Proud Boys, The New Republic. These are based on belief systems that look almost like the alignment of religion, versus socio-political organization of a more common nature. You are pretty safe to use more generalized description devices. They tell you in a unified front who they are. They align themselves to group think versus an individualized interpersonal code of ethics, which moves wholly independent of the unifying cell.

It is near impossible to successfully use adjectives to qualify X as a singular concept when speaking about massive cross sections of society. Even in religion "animism used merely as a term to show the interconnectedness of the world through its animation by personal will and power, is unobjectionable on the grounds that all religions, may be regarded as animistic."

I've been studying socio-political structures of multiple countries and world religions for a very long time. To test any idea I think I might carry or a view I have, I bounce it off an academic who is a straight-up expert in the field. I've found that the most potent and powerful devices have been propagandized speech, word of mouth and planted idealism which can take on the life of a spore when in the 'right' meaning certain environs. When I say environs, I mean BOTH progressives and alt-right among others.

Just because you may identify as a progressive (I'm with the good guys) does not at all absolve you of the destructive contributions of the above. In most cases, you just don't know enough about a massive cross-section of society to use broad based description devices. I guess a good way to check yourself is to do some reading on what some actual academics who have a solid history in that very subject have to say. I think you'll find pretty quickly, that they don't do that.

For example, I was SHOCKED when an academic I trust, course corrected me on fanaticism. What I thought was attributes of control group fanaticism with Portland politics was actually regarded as another term altogether and he explained why. I was shocked. But it made sense, I'm glad I learned from him.

We can't afford to be fucking around in ideation that can cause long-term irreversible effects. This is a different environment altogether. This landscape has changed almost to something unrecognizable in the last four years. It begs us to be cautious and accurate.